7 guidelines
Loneliness, as such, is
neither good nor bad. It depends on how each one lives and accepts it. We all
want to be alone at times. We need it and it suits us. However, there are times
when it is difficult to face unwanted loneliness and we experience it with
sadness and/or a feeling of abandonment. Being alone for a long time can imply
serious inconvenience, as we are, above all, social beings.
Therefore, it is
necessary to know how to face, manage and accept loneliness. In this article,
we're going to present seven guidelines for coping with unwanted loneliness
intelligently, in a way that promotes our personal growth.
The destructive loneliness
There are various forms
of “negative” loneliness. A person can be reserved, but not injure his social
relationships. Another type of negative loneliness occurs when someone feels
helpless, alone, without company and with little prospect of change in the
situation. That is, she feels loneliness as a condemnation: an unchosen
situation, a kind of punishment and, for all intents and purposes, something
unfair.
It can be difficult to
change family or group situations, regardless of whether the person is single,
married or widowed. This feeling of loneliness, when not chosen, is one of the
most negative experiences for our personal, affective and health development, both
mentally and physically.
The concept of
loneliness is different from the concept of isolation. Even more different is
the concept of dependency. We can say that there are three distinct faces of
loneliness, with their pros and cons.
What are common forms of loneliness?
There is solitude
understood as a distance from noise, crowds, noise… We need solitude to be able
to “feed ourselves”, to pray, write or concentrate. This solitude turns the
road that connects us with our interior into a multi-lane lane.
This solitude is
necessary in our life and cannot harm us. If we know how to deal intelligently
with it, it can bring us great benefits. However, solitude is often not chosen,
but imposed. In cases of imposed loneliness, we see loneliness with such
intensity that we can be surrounded by people and feel alone at the same time.
So many people around, but very little sense of company!
The tragic psychological loneliness
Psychological loneliness
is perhaps the most terrible type of loneliness. It can make us develop a real pathology,
inducing suicide in the most extreme cases. On the other hand, loneliness can
come from the feeling of not maintaining deep relationships, such as the
absence of a true friendship or family members who can be trusted. Our
personality configuration can predispose us to this feeling. There are studies
that reveal that at the age of forty it increases strongly, ending in
retirement and the emancipation of children.
When children are
emancipated, the so-called “empty nest syndrome” can happen. So, it is
necessary to act and face loneliness in the best possible way. Something needs
to be done if in our work, in our family or in our social group we feel alone
and this feeling seems to suffocate us little by little.
The loss of autonomy and
the difficulty to move around favours another type of loneliness. This type can
enrich us in some way as long as we know how to adapt and accept this
loneliness.
7 tips for coping with unwanted loneliness
We can do a number of
things to control and cope with unwanted loneliness. It's not about not being alone;
it's about not feeling alone. Among some guidelines, we highlight the following:
Organize yourself differently
It is a good idea to
organize life according to our current status (single, widowed, retired,
childless, etc.). Don't organize yourself according to the stressful routine
you had as a housewife or as a company employee. Now it's time to incorporate
activities into our agenda that allow us to share interests with others.
Establish schedules
Try to keep to a time to
go to bed and get up. Try not to get into anarchy; it will give you a great
sense of security. On days when you don't have to wake up early, don't stay in
bed. Not getting your body used to a schedule will increase the feeling of
melancholy.
Always eat at the same time
If possible, always eat
your meals at the same time. Have dinner every night, even if it's something
light. Don't fall into the trap of eating only when you're hungry and out of
control. You will notice the difference in your physical health and your state
of mind. Clutter begets more clutter and, at the same time, anxiety.
Try to establish a rhythm; don't leave it to your
state of mind
Don't be carried away by
the impulse of the bad moment you are going through. “I get bored; I don't feel
like taking a shower, getting changed… I stay on the couch all day waiting for
a call or a visit that never arrives”. Look at the clock and do what you had
planned for that day!
Do rewarding activities
Do you have a vegetable
garden? Go take care of her. If you have a garden, there will always be
something to do. If not, put some plants on the balcony. You can also tidy the
house, organize your papers, and wash the dishes… Doing something that
distracts and keeps you active is positive and healthy.
You shouldn't "kill time"
We need to find
something to occupy and fill our time, but something that is meaningful, that
entertains us and makes us grow. Don't complain about not having much money.
The rich don't have their leisure time filled, they get bored too. It's about
looking for something that attracts and “holds” you.
Doing activities that we
like to do and enjoy doing is a good way to face unwanted loneliness.
Change your rhythm of life
The monotony is broken
with changes. Change your habits, put a little risk in your life, and think
that you don't need anyone to go to the movies, to go to dinner on any given
day or to travel.
The relationship that we
will maintain with loneliness, isolation and dependence is in our hands. Living
alone does not mean being alone or being a lonely person. What matters is
accepting the personal situation we are going through and fighting to
compensate for the loneliness with friends, family, children, and groups. If
you are experiencing such a situation, we hope these guidelines can help you,
even a little!
SAISI
