Male sexuality changes with age. Do not panic so far, it is not suddenly upset, once celebrated the 50 spring. If some changes are physiological, other disorders require consultation to maintain a fulfilling sexuality and rich in pleasures...
A changing sexuality
After the age of 50, certain tendencies are found in varying proportions depending on the men. The changes are gradual, leaving time to get used to it calmly and even to enrich your sexuality, for those who know how to adapt to it.
Good news, the desire remains present! Admittedly, sometimes less compelling than the flamboyant teenager... but other criteria come into play: a couple who have known each other for years often leave the sparks of the beginning behind them, while a new partner inflames the ardours of man. In addition, sexual life adapts to the constraints of everyday life and to the interest that each person has, or not, in sexuality.
Erections occur for a higher stimulation threshold. In other words, if at 20 the penis rises rapidly to the slightest stimulation or erotic vision, it becomes slower to react and needs more intense and more direct stimulation. Erections tend to be less firm and harder to maintain for long. These modifications offer a less penetrative, more erotic and sensual sexuality; they bring a variation of sexual practices: long foreplay, fellatio and cunnilingus, masturbation, erotic massage or prostate massage,
The refractory period, in other words the time between ejaculation and the next erection, gets longer. As for ejaculation, it may be less powerful. Nothing serious, if you notice these changes, they are physiological!
The factors involved
Aging usually modifies desire and sexual behaviour but again, in very variable proportions from one man to another. Several factors come into play in the impoverishment of the sexual life: how does he experience advancing age? How is personal and couple life changing? Has sexual stimulation become rare in an old couple? For older people, a societal factor also comes into play, with a society that is still struggling to accept the sexual life of its "seniors". Finally, the onset of disease also conditions sexuality, as does the taking of treatment sometimes inducing a sexual disorder.
Conditions sometimes involved
Other more frequent changes with age, which can disrupt the life of a couple: urinary disorders, which begin to occur in some, the prostate hypertrophy. Pressing needs, waking up at night, urinating too slowly or too weakly... "Benign prostatic hypertrophy affects around half of men, without it being necessary to operate", reassures Professor Stéphane Drupy, urologist.
The production of testosterone gradually declines during life but when it is significant, we speak of "age-related testosterone deficiency syndrome" (known to the general public as andropause). This deficit increases with age, with a frequency of more than 20% approximately after 70 years according to Pr Droupy. It sometimes causes sexual disorders, in particular a decrease in libido, lower quality erections, but also various disorders such as fatigue, insomnia, a reduction in muscle mass, osteoporosis, even a depressed mood.
"It is to be sought in certain populations at risk, in the event of a desire or erection disorder: diabetics, the obese, in the event of a history of infertility, testicular cancer operation", specifies the doctor. . When the age-related androgen deficiency is objectified by a blood test, it can be treated by testosterone intake. According to the urologist, French doctors are however very hesitant to prescribe this hormone, compared to the United States.
Communication, the key to the couple
If women are more informed about menopause, men too often suffer from a lack of information and they sometimes worry about changes that are normal. They tend to take refuge in silence and certain fatalism, and sometimes avoid intimate closeness so as not to be confronted with a less valiant erection.
As for their partner, she may not feel wanted and blame this avoidance on the weight gained during menopause, for example. Another possible misunderstanding: if the woman avoids intercourse because she does not feel good about herself, the man will think that it is due to his less rigid erections. Misunderstandings aren't just for heterosexual couples. Dialogue is therefore essential to avoid these errors of interpretation and a vicious circle which will only result in reinforcing the estrangement.
Communication in the couple is therefore essential to adapt to the changes that each one encounters with age. These developments are then an opportunity to find a new sexual dynamic for two. And for the man who has a sexual disorder, the partner plays a key role in listening and supporting.
Sexologists note that the woman is often a driving force in medical care, faced with the fatalism of the man, often judging his disorders to be inevitable. "Men don't dare to talk about it", confirms Professor Droupy who describes 2 types of reaction in women: a majority is very understanding, reassuring at first then avoiding sexually soliciting the man so as not to put him in check and finally encouraging him to consult; a rarer proportion experience erectile dysfunction very badly and require rapid treatment.
Savour the pleasure...
Reading these consequences of age, readers may worry, fear of aging and not being up to it. However, the changes detailed above do not prevent fulfilling sexuality among the vast majority of people over 50, quite the contrary! And the sexual pleasure is not less good… Knowing the modifications will allow you not to stress too much and to adapt better.
Thus, if the desire is less compelling, tenderness and complicity with the partner will compensate at the start of the embrace. Why not try a massage or an erotic game to further harden the erection? It's time to discover the longer preliminaries and to savour them... The ladies are moreover delighted with this evolution and as there is usually better control of ejaculation, they take great pleasure in longer antics, more in line with female physiology. As for men, as soon as they abandon the notion of performance, they take immense pleasure in it.
From the age of 50, a man no longer necessarily has to invest so much in his career; the children grow up and leave the marital nest, the couple sometimes suffers a standstill and gets bogged down in a deleterious routine. While we are still young, the challenge to be met is undoubtedly in the couple! The partners are fit enough to discover each other, get involved in new projects, trips, but also in a sensual one-on-one.
For those who find themselves single, after a divorce, a new world opens up to them, rich in discoveries and new vibrations with a new partner or several... "Social networks and dating sites are factors for changing behaviour among seniors", confirms Professor Droupy.
Whatever the configuration, the milestone of 50 years is therefore far from sounding the death knell for sexual life: the "raw sexuality" of the beginnings gives way to a sensuality rich in pleasure, which gains in intensity thanks to a better knowledge of self and a superior sharing with the partner…
When to consult?
“The frequency of erectile dysfunction increases with age, notes Professor Drupy, urologist. And 69%", according to a study by Professor Guiliano. In case of erection insufficient to penetrate his partner or to lead to an ejaculation, it is strongly advised to speak to his doctor to benefit from an assessment and a treatment. The urologist advises to do it quickly, especially when the man is worried. Erectile dysfunction can be a sign of another condition, such as coronary artery disease: "it's a sentinel symptom that allows for early diagnosis when the symptom may seem trivial", and lead to treatment. Load or lifestyle advice. The practice of regular physical activity, smoking cessation and moderate alcohol consumption will improve overall health, but also the rigidity of erections.
With regard to urinary disorders, a consultation is strongly recommended when they taint the quality of life or the life of a couple. The general practitioner can put in place a drug treatment but the urologist will be essential in the event of surgery.
If the man does not want to consult, Pr Droupy advises the partner to find a doctor who is comfortable with the symptom and to schedule an appointment. If the relationship with the GP is not good enough or if he does not support erectile dysfunction, at least someone competent can advise. The gynaecologist can also be of good advice concerning a specialist. He also recommends accompanying his lover to the appointment, the support is often more effective when it is done in pairs.
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